Weisenbacher Software

Stay cool, don`t close the fridge!

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
 - Bill Gates, 1981

"User" is a four letter word.

A dog's life ain't fun.

A fool and his money are sysop material.

Avoid hangovers: Stay drunken.

Be a hero: Give blood.

Blow your mind... Smoke gunpowder.

COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.

Daddy, what does FDISK do?

Design flaws travel in groups.

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.

Fammi scendere, Max.

God is real... unless declared integer.

Gravity is a myth.  The Earth sucks.

Happiness is a warm boot.

Health is simply the slowest way to die.

Hm, what's this red button fowr9Y~~m NO CARRIER

How to double your hard drive space: Delete Windows.

I'd kill Flipper for a good tuna sandwich right now.

I'm not illiterate -- my parents were married.

I don't drink water.  Fish fuck in it.

I don't say much but I make a big noise.

Illiterates do it without caps.

It's better to burn out than it is to rust.

Junk: Stuff we throw away.  Stuff: Junk we keep.

Keyboard missing, press F13 to continue.

Look at the bugs and be happy.

My other computer is an Ono Sendai.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Nothing ain't worth nothing but it's free.

OS/2 VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,n]"

Putt knot yore trussed inn spall chequers!

Real programmers use COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE

REALITY.SYS corrupted -- reboot Universe [Y,n]?

Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.

Sex is natural, but not if it's done right.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

Television is democracy at its ugliest.


Undocumented features will rule the Earth!

We now return to our regularly scheduled mail war.

We want the world and we want it now.

What?!?  DOSSHELL *isn't* supposed to be a joke?

Wherever you go, there you are.

Which is better: CP/M 2.2 or OS/2 2.0?

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong.

We all live in a yellow subroutine.

Too young disk in drive A: !

Warning : Your monitor is RADIOACTIVE !

Insert hamburger in drive B: !

Sorry, your system is too dirty for me ...

Fuck your secretary, not me !

Kiss my ... (keyboard) !

Insert tractor toilet paper into printer !

Microsoft Mouse : Beware of cats !

Bad command or operator.

Warning : Too many floppies in one drive !

Your hard disk has been formatted ...

There is something rotten in your computer !

External Error : INTELLIGENCE not found !

Always make a backup copy of your sex partner !

ERROR !!!  Press quickly ALT-CTRL-DEL !

Critical ERROR : Use hammer.

Insert floppy disc in drive D:

Do you speak in TurboPascal ?

Sorry, but ... do you have a brain ?!?

Your Hard Disc is dead, but Eddie lives!

Remove the CRT of monitor !

ATENTION ! RAM is write - protected !!!

Eddie lives...allready in this time !

Shut power down & press any key !

All protective devices failed, call GhostBusters

ATENTION!: High voltage on keyboard !

Close eyes for safety reasons.

All viruses found.

Your mouse is hungry!

Memory failed. Use paper.

All rights released.

This Hard disk is write only.

WARNING ! Smog in drive Q:

Your Hard disk went soft.

Your coprocessor needs a bath !

This program is not good. Try another one.

File not found - Should I fake it ?

"People ask me why I do this, and I tell them that I have the heart of a small
 boy, and I keep it in a jar on my desk."
-Steven King

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

It is better to be ten minutes early, then to be ten minutes late.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Every four seconds, a woman has a baby. We must find this woman and STOP her!

All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a Dark Side, and a Light Side, and it holds the universe together.

Hardware: (n) The parts of the computer that can be kicked.

White giant seeking red dwarf interested in binary relationship.

Life is but a Virtual Reality.

Ankh if you love Isis.

E Pluribus Unix.

If at first you don't succeed, your skydiving days are over...

A nuclear war can ruin your entire day.

Sure I believe in peace...peace through superior firepower.

God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.
Therefore, Ray Charles is God.

Your IBM compatible computer grows more incompatible with every passing second.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste, so if you see one lying around, pick it up and play with it for a while.

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

Computer programmers do it byte by byte!

Pretend to spank me - I'm a psuedo-masochist!

Is a computer language without GOTOs totally Wirth-less?

A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.

Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

Friction is a drag.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

A penny saved is ridiculous.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!

Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.

Entropy isn't what it used to be!

Disco is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.

The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's farther away.

The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -
the rest is just overhead for the operating system.

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the
process of putting them in!

COBOL programs are exercises in Artificial Inelegance.

Clones are people two.

Time is just Nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

There's no future in time travel.

Reality does not exist - yet.

Xerox never comes up with anything original.

Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Part-time musicians are semiconductors.

Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal, if you are all thumbs.

We really don't understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers!

Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeroes!

Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and you can fool all of the people some of the time,
but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.

People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.

There is no such thing as a 'Fail Safe' design.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the appropriate form.

Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
Give a speculator an inch, and he'll build a condo.

If God had intended man to have computers, He would have given him 16 fingers.

All work and no play...will make you a manager.

Would the last person to leave Michigan please turn off the lights?

The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction.

There are two ways to write error-free programs...only the third one works.

If your computer speaks English, it was probably built in Japan.

Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground, and missing.

Your karma just ran over my dogma.

In God we trust - all others require a phase review.

Philadelphia isn't dull...it just seems so because it is next to exciting
Camden, New Jersey.

The reason the government thinks your just a number is because it's just a

Death is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Computers can never replace human stupidity.

Immanual Kant but Kubla Kahn.

Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.

SDRAWKCAB spelled backwards is backwards.

Pain is just God's way of hurting you.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electric cord.

The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.

Alan Luck's Axiom: When all else fails, read the documentation!

Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read.

It works better if you plug it in.

Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life.

Don't force it...get a large hammer.

Before making a backup copy, be sure to first destroy the originals.

Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he could've had a V-8.

Shift to the left, shift to the right, mask in, mask out, BYTE! BYTE! BYTE!

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

On a clear disk, you can seek forever...

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

Going the speed of light is bad for your age.

Small programs are for small minds.

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'"

"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every single minute of it!"

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a workstation...


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(C)1999 Peter Weisenbacher